Pragmatics

 

In an effort to offer a possible explanation why my officemate’s friend is finding it so hard to get some lovin as soon as other foreigners arrived, I introduced the concept of how my girl friends (mind the space between ‘l’ and ‘f’) choose between two men. These are defnitely NOT canonical, and feel free to object as you may please. Of course there’s always the pure unconditional love thing, but these are the types of women that I would especially be watchful of anyway.

 

1. The Reasonable Choice. The reasonable choice is the typical play-it-safe girl’s man. This is based on her own attributes — you’re the one who shares common interests with her — reads the same books, watches the same movies, listens to the same music. If two men are equally smart, nice, good-looking, she’ll choose the one with the same religion as hers. You’re the knight in shining armor of every Sweet Valley High fanatic. Very practical, but I find this superficial.

2. The Convenient Choice. The convenient choice is the golddigger’s dream. This is based, needless to say, on her needs —  she will absolutely luuuurve the benefits that she can get if she avails you. Who cares about the main product, she’s only after the “But wait, there’s MORE!!!” package that only you can offer.

3. The Ostentacious Choice. The ostentacious choice is a social climber’s jackpot. Rather than basing it on her own ideals, she bases it relative to what other women would be envious of. The only reason why she would choose you is because you’re popular, belongs to the inner elite circle  and all other women want you. You’re the walking trophy capable of intelligent speech and she would strut you around as her new pet, making sure that everyone sees that you’re with h-e-r.

 

4. The Logical Choice. The logical choice is based on your attributes relative to that of other men. You were chosen as if you were applying for promotion. If two men are equally nice, caring, and smart, she’ll choose the better looking guy.

 5. The No Choice. The no choice is what you will expect from someone who just can’t live without a boyfriend and/or wants to prove to her ex that no one is indispensible. You exist only to serve as a replacement, not of the love that was lost, but for the position that needed to be filled in.

 

6. The Random Sex Choice (thanks master Entings–you’d want to add something to this ). This choice is the man who will more likely spill this kind of dialog during a lover’s quarrel (and mean it) 

“Katawan ko lang ang habol mo sakin!” (lit. You’re only after my body!)

I would guess that after all the one night stands, you’re the one who knows best the meaning of foreplay and quench that primal desire. Sometimes, women don’t even choose at all, she just needs someone to scratch her you-know-what like a hard-to-reach itchy area in your back waiting to be scratched. If you’re walking with her in a mall and suddenly greets a man who walks past across you with with two eyebrow twitches, there’s a good chance that he was one of the many others who got to her first. I bet you were lucky guy #132.(If this girl we’re talking about looks like this picture to your right, don’t mind being # 133, though. haha!)

  Sure, I’m cool with that if I fall under one of these 5. It doesn’t change the fact that I was still the choice. This is true, at least, if I need a bolt to screw (see #6). If any bitterness will linger, it won’t be as long as I think it will.

But can you really love someone who only fell for you because you fit in some love equation? I can’t.

 

 

No need to worry, surely your girlfriend didn’t choose you just because you’re the practical choice, right….